The lessons of life, death and somewhere in between are not lost on me at this moment. As my baby kicks and stretches inside my belly at 34 weeks pregnant, the oxygen mask blows air into my father's lungs.
I always knew this call would come. The one where my dad would reach a certain point in his health care where tough decisions would have to be made. After having suffered a massive heart attack, coupled with a stroke during triple bypass surgery almost nine years to the day, this is the point we are at now. I received the call yesterday morning from my mom saying the nursing home had called and that my dad's pneumonia wasn't getting any better. She told them to have him transported to the hospital.
While he was in the ER and a battery of tests were done, the doctor came in to deliver the bad news. It was pneumonia coupled with congestive heart failure. They decided to admit him and more bad news came our way. It was also determined that he had had another heart attack along with kidney and respitory failure. After the news was delivered I asked the doctors if it was time to notify family members, they said yes. I quickly grabbed my phone and let my fingers do the talking as I texted my siblings including my brother in Australia. My sister and I also began the conversation about talking through next steps with my mom.
My mom and I went to lunch and I brought IT up, "How far do you want to take this mom in terms of life support?" And we had a brief but clear conversation about the choices we were comfortable with. When we got back to my dad's room the doctor also brought it up. He clearly explained that choice would have to be made whether or not to use a breathing tube and he would rather we have this conversation early because when it comes to the Moment, we wouldn't have much time for discussion. Again, we expressed our wishes.
A few hours later I went down to grab a few items from the gift shop and went back up to my Dad's room. The doctors and staff said he was getting worse and now was decision time. We said, "No breathing tube," and said it with as much assuredness as a person can in these types of situations.
And that's what really has struck me about this process. I tend to see things in very black and white scenarios. This is good. This is bad. But this process is really teaching me about gray. Sometimes you have to make the best decision you can with the information and emotions you have.
This is an amazing journey to take with my father. I thank him for all that he has given and taught me over the years and I will pass along these lessons to his 12th grandchild. And maybe, just maybe, these two will meet somewhere in between.
